greed

i just remembered this patient who came in and demanded his medications.

i helped him and told him he had to pay for his medications and the only way to pay for it was with a credit/debit card because the cashier was closed. he was holding cash btw. i explained to him that we gave him a waiver last time already, so he must pay for it this time. he knew he had to pay for it, but he kept arguing. he tried to manipulate my feelings by saying something like, "so you're not gonna give me my medications today. i won't have anything to take and if something happens to me it's gonna be your fault." wow i did feel bad. it's weird though because he was supposed to pick up his medications a few days ago. i wanted to help him so i talked to tam, but she said there's nothing we can do. i went out and explained it to him but he was making a scene. she had to come out and gave him back his prescriptions.

the next day, he came back and did the same thing. manipulations. anger. this time he even complained that he didn't have money.

recall.

today i told Tam that next week would be my last day, and we ended up having a long talk. i learned that she went to USC back then and commuted from lakewood for the first two years. i don't think i'll be able to handle it yet, but who knows.

so apparently, with a pharmD degree, there will be so many opportunities for me. i can work for insurance companies and even the military. i can go in research. become a clinical pharmacist(?), like Alice who is in charge of communications and safety. she ensures that working place is a safe environment for employees and patients. she creates guidelines and do presentations. i can be one of those pharmacists who approve drugs for the hospital (formularies?). it's amazing how before i even considered pharmacy, i thought pharmacists only do retail, go into research, and teach. i was so ignorant of the chances they have. they can go so far!! it's great. it's exactly what i need. i know i don't want to be stuck doing the same thing over and over. i want to be around, and i know what i want will change because life happens.

through volunteering at the pharmacy, i learned how to communicate with patients and improved my communication skills a lot. a whole lot. at first, i stuttered a lot and i was always afraid that i'd make mistakes. i was afraid of patients like they were monsters wanting to eat me. but overtime, i tried and tried and eventually built my confidence. i know i'm not a great talker yet, but this is something i can develop overtime. it's interesting because many pharmacists told me that pharmacy school wasn't all that hard. it was intimidating at first, but it'll be fine. i'll like it. i actually do believe them. 4 years won't be so long. as long as i put my mind to it, i'll be able to do it. it's what i want so there's nothing to be afraid of. as long as i am driven, as long as i have the passion, as long as i am determined, i'll reach my goal.
i also learned how the pharmacy operates. not completely, but i have an idea. so many patients but so little time. through the pharmacists, i learned that it's not about pushing numbers. always be careful because mistakes can sometimes be costly.
i realized trust between patients and pharmacists are very important. they come to them to get answers. they do want to know what theyre taking.

jeff is an amazing pharmacist. he loves talking to patients. he goes into a lot of details and surprisingly, the patients get engaged and want to understand better. i realized that patient's curiosity also comes from the pharmacist. jeff is so helpful he takes his time to talk to them. he's always so nice. i'm gonna miss him. he's definitely my role model when it comes to being a pharmacist. through him, i know how patients should be treated. they should not be regarded as strangers. pharmacists should talk to them like they're family.

the most powerful moment at the pharmacy was when meneesh was counseling a patient. the patient asked him to check her other meds to see if it'll be okay for her to take them all together. he checked and he was so surprised and said in a loud voice "i'm so glad you brought your medications. this is a deadly interaction. do not take them together." i still remember what he said so clearly. at that moment, the pharmacy just quiet down. all eyes on them. that was when i realized how important pharmacists are. i realized that patients may rush the pharmacists and get angry when they don't get their meds fast enough, but they don't want to die. (lesson: never rush when working as a pharmacist). i realized how meaningful the job really is. so many patients pharmacists can help. it's astonishing how much we can do.

i feel like there's so much for me to learn. it's not just about the drugs and mechanisms i'll be learning in pharmacy school. it's about what i will bring with me after graduation. how will i apply all the information to my career?

there is this patient that most pharmacists recognize. many times he came, many times he claimed that he lost the medications after picking them up. i remember him because he ticked off meenesh before. the last time i saw him, jeff agreed to give him the medicines again. was it the right thing to do? people suspected that he was lying, but how can they know everytime? how can they subjectively determine the best actions to take in situations like that? what would have happened if they refused him? it's these what if situations that make pharmacy challenging, but interesting. i don't like it when these predicaments occur, but i love having the experience and learning from them. it's these experience that'll help me grow as a pharmacist.

recently, i came across a distance education program on pharmacy chemistry at the university of florida, or in florida. i am definitely interested. but will pharmacy school encompass the program will teach me? i hope so, if not, should i pursue it after pharmacy school? so many exciting opportunities, i'm really excited! at first i was completely clueless about the opportunities that'll be available to me, but now, i feel like there's a whole pharmacy world out there waiting for me to explore. it feels exhilarating knowing i can always expand after i enter the working world.

every week, i get reaffirmed that it is the right path for me. i know there are other careers that will interest me just like pharmacy, but this is perfect now.

thinking about pharmacy is definitely thrilling now.